Death Rider

Attack
Destinies of War
1989

I don't know why there are three different covers for this record, but there are. And two of them are awesome. At any rate, this is fairly standard power metal stuff here, basically what you'd expect from those two viking-warrior covers. But that doesn't mean it's not good. Fans of Helloween, Iron Maiden, Lords of the Crimson Alliance, heck, even Dragonforce, should definitely check these guys out. Oh, and the track "Death Rider", which I used for the title of this entry, is not a cover of the Anthrax song. Sorry.

Destinies of War

Punks for Profit Redo

Life Sentence
Life Sentence
1986

I should've done my homework before I posted this record last week. After posting it it occurred to me that the vinyl rip I had wasn't the best, and I dug around and found a *much* better copy. Enjoy.

Life Sentence's debut full length album is bittersweet. These guys could've gone on to do wonderful things, but a bitter split occurred after this record, and legal battles, drug problems, homelessness, and all sorts of drama usually reserved for more successful rock stars basically tore them apart and ruined any chance of punk rock stardom. It's a real shame too, because this record slays. It's like 7 Seconds with rock swagger; a killer mix of punk attitude, hardcore tempos, and rock and roll guitar solos. A few years after this album, a revamped lineup released a second album and a 7", but I've never heard or seen those records. Feel free to direct me to them if you've got 'em. But seriously, this band's history is convoluted and complicated, and would probably make a fascinating book that no one would read.

Life Sentence

I'm a Living Sickness

Dwarves
Horror Stories
1986

Imagine the dankest, darkest bar you can think of, existing in the basement of some other dank, dark bar. It's filled with unsavory characters who are only there to fight, fuck, or both. The only beer on tap is Old Style, and if you tried to order anything with fruit juice in it, you'd be shown the door. There's only one waitress, and she's 63 years old and wearing a halter top. She could kick your ass without removing the cigarette from the corner of her lipstick-smeared mouth. The smoke haze is almost too thick to see through, but you can just make out a motley crew of mop-headed thugs in the corner, blasting away on instruments in between swigs of fortified wine. They're called The Dwarves, and 4 years later they'll release the punkest album of all time. But for now, in 1986, they're just happy assaulting you with sick, dirty garage rock.

Horror Stories

U-Stink-But-I-♥-U

Billy and the Boingers
"U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" b/w "I'm A Boinger"
1987

I ripped this from the original flexi last week, and then coincidentally came across a reference to it on one of my favorite blogs, Beyond Failure. As such, I decided to go ahead and throw it up here. This flexi came inside the 1987 Bloom County collection Billy and the Boingers: Bootleg. Billy and the Boingers (née Deathtöngue, obviously a better name) featured "Wild" Bill Catt (aka Bill the Cat) on vocals and lead tongue, Opus Croakus on tuba, Hodge-Podge on drums, and Steve Dallas on guitar and vocals. In actuality, side a here is by Mucky Pup, while side b is by some band called The Harry Pitts band. Side A is the better track. Anyway, this is a funny little record from a comic that, in my mind, is tied for the #1 comic strip of all time slot with Calvin and Hobbes. Both are untouchable.

"U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" b/w "I'm A Boinger"

Let's Spend Some Time Together

hose.got.cable
hose.got.cable
1995

Richmond, Virginia has a long history of producing kick-ass bands, and few were as kick-ass as hose.got.cable. Their name might not make any sense to me, but I certainly understand the raucous post-punk/hardcore assault contained in these 5 songs. They influenced a ton of emo, screamo, post-punk, math rock, post-hardcore, spazz-core, junk rock, wiggle-core, post-emo, physics-core, and itch rock bands. Ok I made up one or two of those. I mean, obviously math rock isn't a real genre.

hose.got.cable